So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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