A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
