There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
