K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
