sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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