she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
