I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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