: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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