everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
