its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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