im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
