Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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