i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jerry, you need to find god
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
