I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
