Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
