you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
