Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
