Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
