Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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