I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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