I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
