WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
