Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
