That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
