the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
