I think im going to throw up on grandma
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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