For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
