I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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