I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
