so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
