Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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