I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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