Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
