My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
