Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
