hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
