The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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