I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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