dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
