I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
