She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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