She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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