Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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