I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
