3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize