What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
