just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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