i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
