He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
