Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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