I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
