I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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