she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
