I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
