2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
