OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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