Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this beer tastes like vomit already
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
