My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
