i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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