Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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