It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
