Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
