you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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