I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize