This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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