so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
3 2 1 whiskey
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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