he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
