I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
