Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
